Andrew McPhee

"Koala Bear Kid" Andrew McPhee
Andrew brings Mikey out of storage
backlegfrontkick
Ring name(s)	"Koala Bear Kid" Jak McPhee "Koala Bear Kid" Andrew McPhee
Billed weight	190 lbs.
Born	Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia

"Koala Bear Kid" Andrew McPhee is an Australian born professional wrestler in PGA. His given name is Jak McPhee, but when he was added to the PGA Roster, his name was changed to "Andrew" because Jack Cavendish was debuting the same day in a larger role, despite a wrestler named Jack Daniels joining the roster shortly thereafter. His gimmick is that he is a zookeeper, and has a puppet sidekick, an echidna named Mikey. Together they host the kid-friendly WILD! PGA on PGA's Saturday morning show, where the company disguises hype videos for their wrestlers as animal "fun fact" segments to cover the government-required educational content quotient for children's programming.

Australian Independents (2006-2009)

Jak was born in Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, a town that has a silly name but legitimately produces more famous athletes than anywhere else in Australia. However, instead of training for something prestigious, like the Olympics or Australian Rules Football, he opted for professional wrestling. Not knowing any better at the time, he allowed promoters to capitalize on his youth and local heritage as they dubbed him the "Koala Bear Kid," complete with a fuzzy koala mask. He wrestled in numerous independent shows, and was more than likely nearly severely injured by both Nathan Jones AND Dennis Rodman on several non-consecutive occasions. His high-flying moveset impressed many local fans, and he was one of the most popular wrestlers in the Outback Wrestling Federation.

Pro Graps Association (2009)

In an effort to make the so-called "World Talent Initiative" as global as possible, PGA internal brass heard good things about Jak's work ethic from another new hire in PGA locker room, and he was flown in for the first month of shows. He was originally going to be a member of the new PGA roster, to the point where they changed his first name from “Jak” to “Andrew” with that bizarre wrestling logic that there can’t be two guys with the same name in the company at the same time. However, management soured on his lack of charisma outside of the ring and opted to send him out to face Brian Genius for a roster spot after Brian's original opponent Jeff Leopard was deemed "unfit to compete." (The "Jeff Leopard Incident," while mentioned numerous times in the Wrestling Contemplator Newsletter, has never been officially explained.) After McPhee got in more offense than most other “roster-qualifying jobbers” as well as a crowd chant, the brass decided to give him a second shot via the Jobber: To The Stars! competition, and even gave him extra screentime on the next show against Lester Balaam Jackson with some flashy bumps to sway the votes in his favor. However, the competition was NOT worked, as you now know, and George Washington Qatar’s bizarre schtick won out instead. (Online speculation points to Genius’s uncalled-for gimmick evisceration in his opening promo as the main culprit, here.) [citation needed]

POWER Pro (2009)

Left with few other options in the states, he began working for POWER Pro, as no other company would take him in due to his size and general awfulness on the mic. Now, his hometown of Wagga Wagga, which sounds silly and made up but is this legit little town in Australia that inexplicably produces all of its most famous/gifted athletes. GM Gregory Funman tried to push him with a legitimate athlete, “train hard and you can succeed!”-style babyface routine, but even in the family-friendly POWER Pro that was a little hard to take. So, naturally, they teamed him up with Thor Von Lightningstrike, the biggest and least-talented but most over guy on their roster in a wacky “odd couple” tag team and had him recite stereotypical Australian catchphrases.

Pro Graps Association (2009-current)

Brought back on an enhancement contract, Andrew made his return to Prime Time Wednesday as the Battling Bowl tag team partner of Lester Balaam Jackson, against Brian Genius and Pru. After that, he would make several random backstage appearances, usually to be taunted and mocked by other members of the roster. At Remain Alive, he got his first major showcase, defecting from POWER Pro to become Stevens N. Stevens's fourth man in the POWER Pro v. PGA Enhancement Talent Remain Alive match. After that, he was scheduled to recieve a World Heavyweight Title match against Helm Konrad, which he purportedly refused to wrestle. There was some controversy as he either refused to wrestle the then-extremely-dangerous Konrad, or that he simply refused to do a Crocodile-themed backstage promo as he was trying to distance himself from being such a stereotypical character. He was then used the next week as a visual aid during the Brian Genius/Internetico hair v. mask angle as punishment. [citation needed] This included a situation where he was awarded a World Junior Heavyweight Title shot by GM Funman after Genius tried to remove his mask. He was defeated in under a minute in an emasculating fashion. As further embarassment, he was forced [citation needed] to participate in the POWER Pro Masquerade Battle Royale as "Bear-ian Genius," wearing a tuxedo jacket and gelling up the fur on his mask.

Several weeks later, he appeared hosting his first-ever segment of WILD! PGA, where he suddenly was dressed like the Crocodile Hunter in khaki safari clothes and wearing an outbacker hat on top of his mask. He essentially did the promo he was instructed to do prior to his Helm Konrad match, where he opened up a door to try to find the MIA wrestler, only to find green-screened footage of the Berlin Wall coming down. After that, he also ran into Ari Richter, in which they got into a scuffle backstage that also included the first appearance of Andrew's new puppet sidekick, Mikey the Echidna. Before settling into a weekly spot on Bear Ordered Wrestling, the WILD! PGA roving camera was used as a device to catch otherwise unexplainable "secret" meetings backstage. It was at this time that Andrew was finally allowed to remove his mask, thus making him more of a koala bear enthusiast as opposed to an actual koala.

Recently, Andrew McPhee has gotten more screen time on Prime Time Wednesday, thanks in large part to the popularity of Mikey the Echidna. His struggle to make it to the main roster has been an on-again, off-again storyline that was jump-started by his removal of a kangaroo that Marisol did not know how to get rid of backstage. (It's a long story.) After currying favor with the assitant to the commissioner, she helped him win a match by getting Mammoth Kang JumBo to partner with him. After that, his old partner Thor Von Lightningstrike was called up to the main roster to recapture the "magic" they had in POWER Pro. He was voted in by the fans to get a Broadcast Title shot at Throwing Hands '10 and put up a strong showing as a singles competitor, but there's an odd sense in his backstage promos that he's still getting jerked around by management. [citation needed]

Following a brief run of cult backstage promos with Thor and a near-miss title opportunity, Andrew McPhee briefly served as Marisol’s mole in the Zen Dungeon, showing a real dickish mean streak and playing up traits of famous Australian criminals.  It continued the running gag that he has a crush on Marisol and can’t deal with her boyfriend Dawkins, and the only reward he got out of it was being “allowed” to join the Jet Set alongside Thor Von Lightningstrike, against the actual wishes of the Jet Set.  Following a few disappointing matches they wound up forming Team POWER Pro with the former Sleep Disorder, Drew Parker, in the 2011 Remain Alive Trios Tournament.  They actually did quite well, until Drew decided the have their next round match against flipping Slyclops IX and the Cavendish Estate IMMEDIATELY after defeating their previous opponents.

Seeing his best opportunity flushed down the toilet, McPhee decided to take his career in a different direction.  Thor, who had recently gained prophetic visions (yes, really,) understood and broke off to go after the Broadcast Title.  Immediately after this, McPhee received a mysterious invitation.

The Adventurer's Club

The mysterious invitation led McPhee to Basil Cadbury, part of a talent exchange program with UKCW.  The boisterous, not-at-all-like-Nigel-Thornberry multitechnical marvel paired extremely well McPhee’s high-flying style, which had finally been “unlocked” after years of jobbing in two minute squashes.  Functioning as the PGA’s wrestling branch of a multinational explorer’s guild (?,) they worked their way up the ranks rather quickly.  They soon added Ng’tuk, a masked sherpa, to their corner for use in trios matches and long, drawn-out promo asides about how to properly pronounce or spell his name, which would have been very difficult to transcribe if someone were to do so.  

During a #1 contenders’ match against The Cavendish Estate, Basil Cadbury and Ng’tuk almost immediately threw the match to ravage Jack and Dawkins with chairshots, with Basil asking Jack if he remembered when he “Talked. Like. This?!”  In the “oh my gosh I can’t believe they’re actually doing this fan booking” moment of the year, Basil Cadbury ripped off his outlandish beard, slicked back his hair and affected an unnerving singsong voice, reverting to his UKCW character of Raffles, Gentleman Thief, the Moriarty-esque opposite number from Jack Cavendish’s past.  Ng’tuk unmasked to show that he was (at least by this point) really his tag team partner, the Devil’s Favorite Dandy known as Fop Dobson.  Offering McPhee a chance to absolutely end Dawkins forever with a chair, Jak refused to join in, because he just couldn’t believe that they had thrown away a tag team title opportunity.  They immediately turned on him, bringing down the TRIUMPHANT FRIENDSHIP RETURN of Thor Von Lightningstrike, only for him to fall victim to their methodical attack as well, leaving The Criminal Element standing tall over one and a half of the best tag teams in the company.

As part of Marisol’s plan to quickly remove them from the PGA and hold up her end of the talent exchange, she signed a “Loser Goes To UKCW” match between the Ausgardians and The Criminal Element.  This naturally backfired, as all Thor/McPhee matches do, sending the duo to Europe while The Criminal Element remained to daintily run roughshod over the PGA.

Months later Jak and Thor would make their return to join Brian Genius in his fight against the end of the world.  They had used their time abroad to come to a mutual understanding, with Thor becoming a much better worker and learning to emphasize his strengths, and McPhee becoming some kind of Jack Kirby-esque supernatural beastmaster.  Mikey the Echidna now also sounded like Andre Brauer.

In wrestling

• Music
  • Original Singles: Pennywise - Land Down Under
  • Tag Team (w/ Thor Von Lightningstrike): Stormwarrior - Heading Northe
  • Singles (Zen Dungeon): Men At Work - Land Down Under Backwards
  • Tag Team (w/ Basil Cadbury, The Adventurer's Club): Gene Rosenberg - Pompous Adventurer's Club Theme
  • Tag Team (w/ Thor Von Lightningstrike, The Battlebørn): Magic Sword - In The Face Of Evil